Sorry I have not updated for awhile, it has been a long month in many ways. First I want to start with my results, they looked hopeful at the beginning, I started with a HCG test level of 12. I had the Dr leave the results on a voicemail cause I couldn't listen to it alone at work, so me and Harley listened to it that night. It was somewhat good new at first, the results were positive but they were showing very low. Normally a level of 5 is negative so I was just positive and after hearing that my mind started wandering and I started looking online with a bad feeling. I wanted to stay happy and live in the positive test but I knew it was not the best result and started searching and most things online said that a level of 12 was either a chemical pregnancy or could result in a miscarriage I tried not to worry cause there were some people who said they started at that level or lower and ended up in a healthy pregnancy. I wanted to think that way too! But I went in two days later for another blood test and it only had risen to a 13 when it should have doubled, that was when our hopes were up for this try. Dr Casey told us that I could come in for another test but usually if it only went up a few levels that means it would stay at that for a few days and then go down and be considered a chemical pregnancy. Basically that means a very early miscarriage, I know many that have gone through that and it makes it hard cause it means you were so close but it just didn't work.
Our next plan is to take the summer off and relax! We were devastated after all of this with going through so much after the retrieval you just get so upset about it all, I'm crying about it now and it's been weeks since this all happened and I last cried about it. It is not a actual miscarriage but I feel it is like one cause I did get some symptoms of pregnancy in the early stages so it was hard to hear bad news after thinking it worked for a week or two. I know it will work you just always want that time to work and it is upsetting when it doesn't. Friends and Family have been so great through it all and it has helped so much talking about it with everyone, I've learned so much from people's experiences and finding out about so many that have gone through the same thing. Since we started this journey last year in August we figured it would be best to take a break for a bit and summer is the perfect time, with all the appointments needed and not knowing when you need to go in until that day we didn't want to miss out on our summer cause of trying all of this. So I am going to try to lose some weight, it can help with the PCOS and see if anything happens on our own this summer and then start the IVF process up again in the fall if nothing works out this summer. I want to thank all of my family and friends for being there for us through all of it and telling your stories, it's weird to hear about peoples stories when I never knew about them before I came out with this. Being a 'adult' now it's weird to think about all of this, but it has brought me closer with a lot of people. It's been a good experience and I hope in the end we have a good outcome.
Along with that Harley has had a change in work, I don't want to get too into it but lets just say he will be around all the time from now on! We are both much happier and less stressed in life so we are looking forward to a good year together!! He is very excited about his salmon fishing trip he has with his friend Nate in a week out on Lake Michigan and I am very excited to spend time with family over the week of the 4th! My mom got a cabin for me and Ryan and my step dad Tom's kids to go up with our families to a cabin for a week so we are all very excited to spend the week on the beach and swimming and boating together. It will be good to relax for awhile and spend quality family time plus a little bit of cuddles from baby Isabelle! After a very long month at work it will be very much appreciated! At work I have been given our whole food auditing division that started the beginning of the year and right now I have started scheduling our biggest egg farm account and so after next week I will be so happy for a week away. Yes I will just be going to Crosslake MN when the lady I work with at Eggs America is taking her vacation to Italy but I'd say I would rather be in Crosslake :)
Tomorrow I will be going for a tux fitting, yes I am a usher in one of my best friends wedding! He has been one of my best friends for the last 11 years now, Luke DeLaForest. He was a usher and spoke at my wedding and I am happy to be a part of his big day as well. I told him this is the one day I will wear and do whatever he wants just as he did for me, so tomorrow we will see what I will be wearing in October! It has also been a hard few weeks cause his mom who has been another mom to me over the years recently lost her long battle with cancer. We have been doing a lot with his family in the last few weeks of her life enjoying all the memories we had and making her last few weeks for her as great as they could be. Their family and friends are the greatest and I cannot express how strong they all have been through this all and am happy to have been there for it and to be there for them in the upcoming year which will be very hard on everyone. Terese will be missed by so many and I love her so much and will miss her, but I will live this wedding and all the upcoming events for it in memory of her and thinking of her always. It will be a very sad time but also will be great to see this family honor her and show their strength and love that she passed onto them. I see her in each of her kids and that helps me to know she will live on in all of them.
I will keep this blog up over the summer to share what we are up to and pictures of the summer. Thank you all again for the prayers and keep them coming as we hope to have good news to share sometime soon but as we all know about everything it is all in the hands of god and the plan we all have for our lives. Love you all and talk with you soon!
Friday, June 22, 2012
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Countdown to first pregnancy test- 2 days to go!
Well everything is going good these days! I feel like my normal self finally, even though I still don't really look it. I'm still about 7 lbs more, all in my stomach, than I was the day before the retrieval but that should go down with time they said. Recovering from the retrieval was a lot more than I thought it would be, I was hoping to feel better a few days after it but it took me till about Wednesday afternoon this last week before I felt comfortable walking around and eating good. Hopefully it was a helpful thing that I couldn't really move around, hoping that gave baby embryo more resting time to latch on in there!
We went in on Sunday, May 27, for the embryo transfer. We went in thinking we would have 4 embryos, 2 that we would transfer and 2 that we would freeze. Unfortunately between Thursday and Sunday none of them made it but one single embryo! We were a bit shocked and disappointed but at this point nothing could be done but transfer the one we have and pray that there is a reason why only one made it through. There is still a high chance this will work with just one, a lot of couples do just one embryo on the transfer. We just wanted to do two so it would increase our chance a little and then if we happen to have twins we would be happy with that. So normally on any given month a women has a 20% chance of getting pregnant, doing a IVF transfer with one embryo increases your chances to about 40% and then if you transfer two embryos you have about a 50-60% chance. So only doing one didn't ruin our chances all together, we are still very hopeful this will work and if not it's ok and we will just try again. Sometimes it takes a few times.
So as you can see below Harley is already to go in for the transfer! I was surprised he came in with me, I thought it would just be me and the Dr and nurses. Nope, they geared him up! As you can see he wasn't the happiest when he had to wear a cap and booties on his shoes but I thought it was a good time to take a picture!
Before we went in the Dr came in and explained what we were going to do and brought us our hopefully first picture of our baby! This is the embryo that made it through the days and the 'blast' they call it, we told it to get nice and comfortable in there cause we didn't want to do this again anytime soon!
Once we went into the procedure room they set up a ultrasound on my stomach to do a test trial to make sure he could get into my uterus fine and that went fine, then a woman appeared through a window in the wall and delivered the embryo to the Dr. We watched as he placed the embryo in my uterus! It was pretty amazing, I didn't think we would actually be watching the whole thing but sure enough you could see absolutely everything he did! After that I had to lay there for about 10 minutes to let it settle in a place then I was free to go to a room and lay for 30 more minutes. I was a bit nervous cause Harley was making me laugh so hard that I was worried it would shake the embryo loose and we wouldn't get pregnant all cause he was making me laugh, but the nurse came in and he asked her and she said that it is snug in there and that will definitely not shake it out of me. Oh the things I never thought we would say! Below is a picture of the ultrasound after the implantation, you can see a computer finger pointing to a white dot that is in a grey blob. The grey blob is my uterus and the white dot is the embryo, or at least the fluid that it is in when he implanted it. Unfortunately it doesn't look like that now so they cannot do a ultrasound to do the pregnancy test, all the fluid moved and if I am pregnant it is so small they wouldn't be able to tell if it was in there for a few more weeks. And I'm sorry the picture is sideways but you can still see the little finger pointing in the middle of the picture.
Now we are at the waiting point. I go in early this week for my first blood test, this will tell us if I am definitely not pregnant or if I possibly am pregnant. They will have to do a few more blood tests and a ultrasound to confirm over the next few weeks. With all the drugs I have taken it can make my estrogen and other levels read incorrect so it is not until the ultrasound that they can really confirm if something is surely in there if my blood tests come up positive. So we are asking everyone to keep praying in hopes that we will have luck this first try and that our little strong baby embryo has made it through this last week and will continue to make it through. I will keep in touch with how things are going and will hopefully have good news to share soon.
We went in on Sunday, May 27, for the embryo transfer. We went in thinking we would have 4 embryos, 2 that we would transfer and 2 that we would freeze. Unfortunately between Thursday and Sunday none of them made it but one single embryo! We were a bit shocked and disappointed but at this point nothing could be done but transfer the one we have and pray that there is a reason why only one made it through. There is still a high chance this will work with just one, a lot of couples do just one embryo on the transfer. We just wanted to do two so it would increase our chance a little and then if we happen to have twins we would be happy with that. So normally on any given month a women has a 20% chance of getting pregnant, doing a IVF transfer with one embryo increases your chances to about 40% and then if you transfer two embryos you have about a 50-60% chance. So only doing one didn't ruin our chances all together, we are still very hopeful this will work and if not it's ok and we will just try again. Sometimes it takes a few times.
So as you can see below Harley is already to go in for the transfer! I was surprised he came in with me, I thought it would just be me and the Dr and nurses. Nope, they geared him up! As you can see he wasn't the happiest when he had to wear a cap and booties on his shoes but I thought it was a good time to take a picture!
Before we went in the Dr came in and explained what we were going to do and brought us our hopefully first picture of our baby! This is the embryo that made it through the days and the 'blast' they call it, we told it to get nice and comfortable in there cause we didn't want to do this again anytime soon!
Once we went into the procedure room they set up a ultrasound on my stomach to do a test trial to make sure he could get into my uterus fine and that went fine, then a woman appeared through a window in the wall and delivered the embryo to the Dr. We watched as he placed the embryo in my uterus! It was pretty amazing, I didn't think we would actually be watching the whole thing but sure enough you could see absolutely everything he did! After that I had to lay there for about 10 minutes to let it settle in a place then I was free to go to a room and lay for 30 more minutes. I was a bit nervous cause Harley was making me laugh so hard that I was worried it would shake the embryo loose and we wouldn't get pregnant all cause he was making me laugh, but the nurse came in and he asked her and she said that it is snug in there and that will definitely not shake it out of me. Oh the things I never thought we would say! Below is a picture of the ultrasound after the implantation, you can see a computer finger pointing to a white dot that is in a grey blob. The grey blob is my uterus and the white dot is the embryo, or at least the fluid that it is in when he implanted it. Unfortunately it doesn't look like that now so they cannot do a ultrasound to do the pregnancy test, all the fluid moved and if I am pregnant it is so small they wouldn't be able to tell if it was in there for a few more weeks. And I'm sorry the picture is sideways but you can still see the little finger pointing in the middle of the picture.
Now we are at the waiting point. I go in early this week for my first blood test, this will tell us if I am definitely not pregnant or if I possibly am pregnant. They will have to do a few more blood tests and a ultrasound to confirm over the next few weeks. With all the drugs I have taken it can make my estrogen and other levels read incorrect so it is not until the ultrasound that they can really confirm if something is surely in there if my blood tests come up positive. So we are asking everyone to keep praying in hopes that we will have luck this first try and that our little strong baby embryo has made it through this last week and will continue to make it through. I will keep in touch with how things are going and will hopefully have good news to share soon.
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